


Death by Monopoly

by AutumnHobbit



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Brotherly Bonding, Comedy?? Maybe??, Crack, Damian is a miniature tyrant, Duke is the sanest person in the house (besides Alfred), Gen, Jason swears, batbros, batfamily, the hell that is family-game-night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 17:49:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10702023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutumnHobbit/pseuds/AutumnHobbit
Summary: raekeys said: Or less angsty: The boys team up to get back at Dick and Jay; bonus- Duke as neutral party "Y'all are psychotic"Anonymous said: Anonymous said: Hey, what about Damian and Tim teaming up for something, and winning? Like at a prank war, monopoly, etc.?____Damian glanced subtly over his shoulder to make sure Dick was gone, and immediately scrambled out of his chair and ran over beside Tim's. Tim pulled back a bit, wary."How are we going to do it?" Damian demanded heatedly."Do what?" Tim asked guardedly, trying to avoid tipping his chair backwards while simultaneously keeping a good few inches between himself and Damian."Beat them, of course! We have to find a game they're not good at." Damian insisted.





	Death by Monopoly

**Author's Note:**

> idek about this thing. maybe it's vaguely funny?? idk.

"You know, it's kind of a shame, really," Dick said, gathering up the shredded remnants of yet another board game.

"What is?" Damian asked sulkily, sitting with his chin resting on one fist, drumming the fingers of his other hand across the tabletop.

"Just how easy it is for Jay and me to own you guys at game night, is all. You barely show any interest."

"Well why would we when Jay wins by smuggling extra Clue cards in and showing them on rumors to throw everyone else off while he figures out what's actually in the envelope?!" Tim burst out, indignant.

Dick smirked, a mix of fond and mischievous. "Bit of a sore spot, there, Timmy?"

"Hell yes it is. Clue used to be my favorite board game." Tim threw himself back into his seat, sulking as well.

"Well if it bothers you guys so much, why don't you pick a new game for us to play? Something completely different from Clue, if you'd like. I promise I'll talk to Jay about cheating."

Tim shrugged. "Whatever."

Damian rolled his eyes. "It's none of my concern regardless."

"Okay then." Dick beamed. "I'll be sure to get us some more junk food for next week. But I've gotta go get suited up. Have fun!" He mussed Damian's hair before calling his goodbye over his shoulder.

Damian glanced subtly over his shoulder to make sure he was gone, and immediately scrambled out of his chair and ran over beside Tim's. Tim pulled back a bit, wary.

"How are we going to do it?" Damian demanded heatedly.

"Do what?" Tim asked guardedly, trying to avoid tipping his chair backwards while simultaneously keeping a good few inches between himself and Damian.

"Beat them, of course! We have to find a game they're not good at." Damian insisted.

"Uh, why me?" Tim huffed.

Damian gave him an unimpressed glare. "Oh please. Even I know you want a chance for some payback for the Clue incident."

Tim met the gaze, stone-faced, then finally sighed. "You're right."

He tipped his chair back down onto the floor, and Damian backed up a bit. "So where do we start?"

"Math games. Grayson is abysmal at math." Damian said decisively. "Come along, Drake. I need you to drive me to the nearest mega-store."

Tim sighed, and hopped off the stool. "Fine." He walked off towards the door, Damian trailing after him. Duke, who had sat mostly unnoticed throughout the entire exchange as he worked through his bowl of Alfred's weekly gumbo, blinked owlishly.

"What the...." he muttered, mystified. "This household, I swear."

___

Damian half-kicked open the door to his room and marched in, arms full of a stack of board games which was taller than he was, which he promptly dumped onto the floor with a colossal crash. Tim winced slightly as he trailed in Damian's wake, lightly shutting the door behind him.

"Alright, so we have Scrabble--"

"That's an English game," Tim interjected.

"But it has a lot of math for tallying the scores," Damian said, waving a hand dismissively. "Where was I. Oh yes. Risk, Settlers of Catan, Monopoly--"

"I used to like Monopoly okay," Tim said, sitting down cross-legged on the floor across from Damian, who was half-disappeared in the pile of boxes with only his legs sticking out. "My dad used to make me play it with real money as practice for when I took over the business someday."

"Tt," Damian muttered, pulling out of the pile and examining a box. "Mother had me purchase my own mansion when I was four. I negotiated the deal myself."

"...Huh," Tim said, biting his tongue on a remark of _'such healthy upbringing, much amaze';_ but then his brain caught up with him. "Wait... _you_ own a mansion?"

"Yes," Damian said, nonplussed, switching boxes.

"As in, you, personally."

"Yes, I think I stated that the first time," Damian rolled his eyes, dumping the box back in the pile and retrieving another one.

Tim blinked, speechless for a moment.

"It's in the Italian Alps, and it's something on the order of three hundred years old." Damian informed Tim, after an exasperated silence on Damian's part.

"...Ooookay. Well then." Tim shook his head. "Back to board-game-ownage, I guess."

"Tt. _I_ never left the subject of board games," Damian grumbled. "None of these seem overly-conducive towards teamwork or towards easy devastation of Grayson and Todd. Perhaps not Thomas, though," he added as an afterthought.

"...Duke rarely ever plays, anyway." Tim realized thoughtfully. "Though I can't exactly blame him; what with how violent the post-game tangles can get."

Damian wrinkled a brow thoughtfully. "Thomas likes Monopoly. We shall use that," he decided.

"I'm not even going to ask how you know that," Tim sighed. "Okay, so."

Damian frowned as he read the back of the box. "It doesn't seem like the format is very conducive to teaming up."

Tim shrugged, pulling his phone from his pocket. "I think there _is_ a way you can do it; but it's kinda controversial. It's not exactly in the rules, but not necessarily against them, for some reason."

"Tt."

"Ah, here we go. _'Under official rules, can Players A and B operate under a united banner as if they are one player?'"_

"...Well? Can they?" Damian asked impatiently.

"...Maybe?" Tim said, confused. "The author of this piece kinda makes it sound like you've committed a capital crime by breaking the rules. But unless Jay and Dick read this article, I wouldn't think they'd know."

The door opened, and Duke leaned in. "Uh, guys? I think Bruce wants us in the Cave for a mee--"

"Thomas!" Damian sprang up off the floor and grabbed Duke by the hand, dragging him inside. "Come assist us in defeating Grayson and Todd."

"Uh," Duke said eloquently, as Damian tugged him down so he was seated on the floor across from Tim. "What now?"

"Apparently we're teaming up at Monopoly," Tim said tiredly.

Duke arched an eyebrow. "I think that's against the rules...."

"We are multibillionaires. We shall play Monopoly however we wish," Damian declared. "Besides, is capitalism not your main bragging point in America?"

Duke glanced at Tim, who shrugged. "He's got a point."

"Tt. Of course I do." Damian got down on his stomach on the floor, propping his chin on his fist. "So. How is Monopoly played?"

____

"I'm so happy you two agreed to give us another chance at game night!" Dick said brightly.

"I'm not," Jason muttered dryly, from his corner of the table, where he was perched eating cheetos from a red solo cup.

Dick shot him an oddly parent-like glare, and then resumed his smile towards Damian. "So. What are we playing?"

"Monopoly," Damian responded flatly, pulling the box up from under the table and slamming it down.

"Monopoly, eh?" Jason remarked, an eyebrow quirked. "Fascinating."

"Indeed." Damian seated himself regally. "Drake, would you like to be banker?"

"Why not," Tim said tiredly, collapsing into a seat next to Damian. Damian pushed the box toward him, pointedly ignoring Dick's beaming pride. Tim doled out the amounts of money to all the players--only the four of them, as Duke had begged off; lingering trauma from his first game night.

"All right. Grayson, you roll first," Damian demanded.

Dick shrugged and grabbed the dice. "Okay." He rolled. "Let's see. St. James' Place. I don't have that card. How much is it?"

"$180," Tim said, without looking up from arranging the cards.

"Okay then. I'll buy it," Dick said, and Tim proffered the deed, blank-faced. Dick took it.

"Your turn, Todd," Damian said.

"Whatever." Jason dropped his calf from where it was propped on top of his opposite knee, and leaned forward. He shook the dice, and threw them onto the table, then hopped along the board. _"'Go to jail.'_ Fuckdamnit."

"Ah yes." Damian rose. "That reminds me of the first of our improvements to the game."

"Uh...what _improvements?"_ Jason asked suspiciously, already drawn back quite a bit in his chair.

"I have prepared a cell," Damian said proudly, walking to the other side of the room and pulling a chair surrounded by a makeshift fence made of chicken wire and three posts from the closet.

"Now wait just a damned sec--" Jason suddenly cut off his sentence at a look from Dick. _"Fine,"_ he sighed defeatedly, getting up and stomping over to the chair. Damian pulled open the door of sorts with a smug look on his face, and Jason sat down on the chair and folded his arms across his chest, looking very much like he'd rather set the chair on fire. Damian pulled out a padlock and began applying it.

"Is that really---oh, fuck it." Jason threw his head back dramatically. "The things I do for you people."

"Now," Damian said imperiously as he dusted his hands off and returned to the table. "Where were we?"

___

Three hours and one fistfight later, Damian and Tim's business partnership had led to an enormous amount of brightly-colored profits, and Dick (bemusedly) and Jason (crankily) had surrendered. Dick had then gone to dig up a movie, while Jason had walked off, muttering something about going home and drinking.

"You see, Drake!" Damian said, satisfied, as he carefully folded the monopoly money and replaced it in the box. "Vengeance is ours."

"Y'all are psychotic," Duke said amiably from the breakfast nook, scribbling away at a sodoku puzzle. "Besides, you got played."

Tim furrowed his brows. "What do you mean?"

"This whole thing was a ploy to make you two work together. Duh." Duke didn't look up. "Why else would Jason so easily consent to being locked up in chicken wire by an eleven-year-old?"

Tim and Damian slowly stared at each other.

"The Campaign For North Africa next time." Damian said.

"Hell yes." Tim replied.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr: autumnhobbit.tumblr.com


End file.
